Redemption Is Beautiful, Don't You Think?
by ShadedHeart Lamora
Summary: Yuffie is feeling very sad after the Omega incident. She isn't even sure if she can carry on living... Angsty Yuffentine with an ending that's a little brighter than the beginning. I suck at summaries. Rated for language, angst and stuff. One-shot.


_**Oh yay! This is my first **_**really****_ serious fanfic! As so many others before me, I've chose to write about Yuffie angsting when Vincent's gone after the Omega stuff. I'm actually content with this :D Well, read and see what you think._**

_**This fanfic is wholly dedicated to **_**TheVulpineHero1 ****_because he used some of his precious time to beta read it. The gods shall know I needed it -.- This is all for you, Hero!_**

_**Disclaimer: Oh do I really have to write it? Do you seriously think I own FFVII? Well I don't. As I've said before, it would've been lotsa Yuffentine love :3 **_

_**Oh, and yes, the title and stuff is inspired by two great FF theme songs, 'Redemption' and 'Suteki Da Ne'. Because 'suteki da ne' means 'it's beautiful, don't you think?' so yeeahh... I put it together after translating it. Well ain't I clever.**_

**Redemption Is Beautiful, Don't You Think? **

When you're all alone, you have a lot of time to think. Because there's not much else to do, when you're all alone. Like now, for example.

And like me, for example. I usually don't think that much. I'm the kind of person all 'oh-let's-be-unthinking-and-do-something-drastic-that'll-probably-get-us-all-killed-but-whatever-live-life-'cause-life's-now-and-I-want-to-_live_!' and so on. No wonder they think I'm immature. I don't act like I'm nineteen.

But I can be mature. Like now, for example. When I'm all alone .

At least, it _feels _like I'm all alone, even though Tifa's just one floor beneath me. But there's two closed doors between us, and it could just as well be the door to tomorrow and the door to eternity or some such. Because I've trapped myself in an engulfing, befouling, never-ending darkness. It's called worry. It's called sorrow. It's called pain.

I... I don't know if I'll survive.

Because this invisible, inner darkness is slowly but surely tearing me apart.

Tifa or Chocobo-Butt wouldn't believe me if I told them. It's definitely not like me, The Great Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi, Single White Rose of Wutai, The Conqueror of Evil, to be drowning in pain and sorrow. And they wouldn't understand why.

Of course, they're worried too. But they're sure that he'll come back soon, or that Cloud, Cid, Barret or anyone else who is looking, will find him.

"Any day now, Yuffie!" Tifa says to me, cheery as always.

But she doesn't know how much every day, hour, minute, second when he's not here hurts me.

She doesn't know how it feels for me. It's like I'm being swept off my feet by a great tornado of unknowing-ness.

She doesn't know how it is for me, like I'm groping my way through a world of darkness, where no light breaks the gloom.

She doesn't know that I love him.

Heck, not even I knew until that fateful moment, just after the impact with Omega. I didn't know until I saw those glittering green orbs of light that just seconds ago were a Weapon of the Planet, slowly swirling around in the chilly night air. Not until I saw those three red orbs of light , which I knew were the remains of Chaos.

I called his name, questioning. Uncertain. Almost afraid.

Was he alive? Could anyone possibly have survived in the middle of the explosion?

Or did he... Did he... Did...

No. He couldn't possibly have.

Could he? He couldn't, right?

Right?

I was unsure then. I'm unsure now. And every single second of not knowing cuts me like a thousand Masamunes. And it hurts just as much.

I love him.

I hate him.

I hate him for not being here, now when I need him more than ever, because now I_ know _that I love him.

He should be here. He should be celebrated as the hero he is. He should be able to finally let go of his past... Let go of Lucrecia.

But he's not. And that's why I hate him. I need him.

I need him, and that makes me hate him even more. Because I'm The Treasure Princess of Wutai. I'm a bloody ninja. And ninja don't need other people . They do perfectly fine by themselves. But he's made me weak... Weak because I love him, because I need him.

I guess I've always loved him. At least, always crushed on him. Ever since that time when we first went town the spiral stairs to the cellar of Shinra Mansion, and opened that coffin... I've always thought that he was sexy as hell, even though I seriously thought he was a vampire at first. Who didn't? I mean, he's pale, he slept in a coffin for _thirty years _, he's immortal, he wears nothing else except from black clothes, a red cloak and bandana, that scary-as-hell golden claw and shoes that he can stab people with.

Oh, how fun it was to tease him, to call him 'Vampy' and stuff... But that was way back then.

Now he's gone. I can't tease him. I can't annoy him. I can't be mean to him.

Dear Leviathan, let him be alright! Let him be _alive_! If he is... If he does come back, I'll be nice, and kind, just like Teef. I'll never tease him again. I'll make him forget his painful past, make him live in the present... create a future for him. A future that's _w__orthy_ of the Great Hero Vincent Valentine.

Vincent... That is probably the most beautiful name ever. So soft, so smooth, so poetic... Just like him. I bet he's good at writing poetry . He looks like the kind of guy who knows how to play the piano and write poetry.

If he only was here... I miss him.

I miss him!

I miss him, I miss him, I miss him! I miss him so much I think I'm going to die, just drop down dead any second now.

Because I can't live without him.

I don't care if he lives a thousand miles away from me, as long as he lives. I could withstand not seeing him for the rest of my life, if I only knew that he would be safe...

But I don't know anything. And it drives me crazy! I'm a ninja, and ninja are supposed to know everything.

They should especially know their beloved's whereabouts.

I am a failed ninja.

I, Yuffie Kisaragi, am a failed ninja, a withered white rose, and there's no evil left for me to conquer.

Because he has already conquered all the evil. And he might have paid for it with his life.

What's this...? Tears? Am I crying? Huh... I didn't think I had any tears left to cry. I thought I had shed them all. I thought I had spilled all my tears, sitting here in the window sill, staring out in the darkness that surrounds me... The darkness of the cruel, cold night, the darkness that has been born of my pain.

I never thought it would end like this. I never thought I would die from despair, not me, not Yuffie Kisaragi. Because... I was always so bright, like the sun. I was always happy and cheery. It seemed like nothing could hurt me. But there are things that hurt me. Loneliness, for example. Not having him here. Not knowing...

Damn it! Damn it all to hell!

It didn't hurt me at first. I was sure that he had survived, in some way. I asked Tifa everyday.

"Have you heard anything from Cloud?" And when she answered that they hadn't found him, I just sighed and moaned.

"Ain't gonna make this easy for us, is he?"

I think it was after that, when I realised that I loved him. That I love him. And that's when I started to give in to despair. Tifa hasn't noticed. She's too busy tending to the bar, looking after the kids, worrying over Vincent and Shelke. Even though Shelke seems just fine to me. She's much happier now. She smiles and talks more. Good thing someone does. If they all were like me, we could call ourselves 'The Suicide League'.

It's all his fault... Weakening me, making me fall in love with him, making me almost die of despair when he's gone...

I can't stand this. If he doesn't come back soon, I'll...

Kill myself.

I thought everything would be fine, if he just could get his goddamned redemption. If he could let go of his past, forget about all those dreadful things Hojo did to him, get over Lucrecia. Break free of the chain of memories that binds him.

His redemption turned out to be totally different. It seems like he found his redemption in the calming, embracing darkness of death. But I... I cannot, will not accept it. How can _he_ get _his_ redemption, leaving _me_ chained in despair instead? It's not fair!

If he is dead... Will I meet him if I die? Will I, too, be embraced by darkness? Will I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and will that light suddenly be covered by his black shape? Will he welcome me? Or will he be mad at me, for giving up on life so easily? No. He can't. It's his bloody fault that I killed myself!

Wait, what's this? The Great Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi, thinking of committing suicide? Oh... right. Now I remember. I'm a failed ninja, a withered rose.

A rose is a delicate flower. It needs to be taken care of. It needs love in order to bloom. But the sun has been hidden behind dark clouds, the earth is dry, and no one is here to protect it from the thorns of the world, thorns much stronger and sharper than its own.

Without any evil to conquer, the Conqueror of Evil is no use . She's just one of those random people on the street, who you do not notice . She's like a fire on a warm day, when nobody needs warmth nor light . She's like a river with no water, just a furrow in the ground with no purpose. She's like a tree in a desert. The tree has beautiful flowers, and it gives shade. But in the desert there are no people to see the flowers, or to rest in the shade of the tree. In the desert there is no water, and the tree is doomed to wither and die.

If he was here, the Conqueror of Evil wouldn't need any evil to conquer. The rose could live on. He would be the sun that shone on her, giving the rose the light and warmth it needed, and lighten up the Conqueror so that all the people on the street could see her. He would be the water the rose needed to drink, and the water that filled the river. He would be the soothing wind that cools the day, so that people sit near the fire to warm themselves. He would cool down the desert where the tree stands. He would protect the rose from the thorns of the outer world, and instead force them out in the desert, where they could behold the beautiful flowers of the tree. He would be the rain to water the tree, and the light that made people seek aid in the shade of its foliage.

He would be her reason to live, he would be what she needed to survive. My reason to live, what I need to survive.

But he isn't here to be my sun, my water, my soothing wind, my protector, my rain. He is somewhere where I cannot find him, where I cannot reach him, talk to him, watch his back, keep him safe and unharmed, make sure that he cannot be reached by the evil forces of the world. If there are any left.

There is a barrier of darkness between us. I cannot see him, cannot hear him, cannot touch him, cannot smile at him, cannot get to him, cannot, cannot...

There's so much that I can't do right now. Can't smile, or be happy, or talk to _anyone _because I _just can't stand it_.

All I _can_ do is to sit in the window sill, with my arms folded around my body and my legs, my chin on my knees, my eyes tightly shut, lost in the darkness. What a pitiful existence. It's not a life worthy of the Princess of Wutai. Even if she is nothing more than a wreck, just the remains of something that once was a human being, now devoid of life, memories and emotions.

All I can remember is him. When we first found him, I said 'Ok, boring story number one', and Cloud kept harassing him until he followed us, but not until we had given up and were on our way out. He always sat by himself, he kept his distance to us. Sometimes I felt sorry for him, other times I was just pissed because I thought that he thought that he was too good to sit with the rest of us. And when I stole their materia... I'll never forget the look in his eyes. He was so mad at me, and I was so ashamed. Or when we stood in the Northern Crater, and I could hear him say to Cloud 'Hmph. Being with you all is not so bad.' and I couldn't help it but smile a little. I think that was the very first sign of him beginning to come out of his shell.

Poor guy. Back then I didn't know anything about all he had been through. He wasn't exactly the talkative type, and when he spoke, it was definitely not about his past.

Most of the time I just thought that he was a big jerk. Now I can't live without him. What a change.

I don't want to live without him. He's not here, so I don't want to live.

I have a throwing knife in my sock.

All I have to do, is to cut my wrist, fast and hard.

It'll easy... I just need to take a deep breath first.

I raise the knife...

"Yuffie! They've found him!"

Tifa's voice. My eyes open, the knife drops. I start to cry. I can hear Tifa's steps, coming up the stairs. She enters my room without knocking, then sees me in the window.

"Oh, Yuffie, don't cry... They've found him. They'll be here in half an hour! He'll be happy to see you again!"

Slowly, I get down from the window sill, letting Tifa lead me to wherever she wants me to go. I don't look up until I realise I'm in the bar. Tifa presses me down on a couch, and gives me a glass. I stare.

"Drink it. You look like a living ghost, and that won't do at all, now does it?"

I obey and swallow the contents of the glass. It burns in my throat, then goes directly to my head, making me feel dizzy before the world stops spinning and I can see clearly again. Tifa's smiling at me. I give her a questioning look.

"You love him." It's a statement, not a question. I can see no reason to lie.

"Yes." Her smile grows broader.

"He will be happy to see you, otherwise I'll kick his ass," she says, blinking at me. I just keep staring at her, my head is full of voices. Maybe it's because of the drink, maybe it's because I'm a little bit crazy. I frown.

"I was just about to kill myself when you called my name," I say, bluntly. Tifa gasps, Denzel and Marlene gasps, whoever else is there gasps. They all stare at me, shocked.

"I couldn't find a reason to keep on living, if he wasn't there. If he was dead, I, too, wanted to be dead."

Tifa's eyes are beginning to fill with tears. I can't understand why.

"Oh, Yuffie..." she whispers. "I... I didn't know that you loved him, not that much. If I had known, I would've... I would've been there to comfort you."

I kind of doze off, and can't hear what Tifa's saying. I realise that I haven't slept properly for several days. I've been too busy worrying.

I wake up to the sound of the door opening.

"He's back! The stupid son of a bitch has been rotting in a cave the whole time!" I can hear Cid exclaim.

I open my eyes. Vincent is standing there. He's alive, and he's looking at me. I get to my feet. Then I run to him, throw myself at him. I wrap my arms around him and cry like there is no tomorrow.

"You stupid idiot! You almost got me killed!" I howl. I can hear him beginning to form words to say, but I interrupt him.

"I was so worried, I thought that you were dead, and if you're dead then I don't want to live because there's no meaning in my life if you're not here, because I love you, I love you!('you're dead then I don't want to live because there's no meaning in my life if you're not here, because I love you, I love you!' You're the light in my life, my only reason to live, and I don't even want to think of life without you..."

I can't say anything more, because I'm crying so hard. I can feel him placing his strong arms around me. One hand is stroking my back.

"Yuffie..." he says. I keep crying my eyes out, my tears is streaming down my cheeks, before they fall to his leather shirt, and continue their downward path.

"Yuffie," he repeats, in a a stronger voice. I look up at him, I know that my eyes must be red, due to all the crying I've been doing these past days, and the lack of sleep probably makes me look like a zombie.

And then, he leans down and kisses me. I'm so shocked I just stand there, in the middle of Seventh Heaven, with all the others staring at us, at me, doing nothing. Then my mind kicks itself so hard it hurts, and I close my eyes and responds to his kiss.

I have no idea of how long it lasts, but when we eventually pull apart, his hand is stroking my hair. I hide my face in his chest. I can hear him mumble something.

"I love you too."

I smile faintly, although no one can see it. Quietly, so that only he can hear, I mumble;

"Redemption is beautiful, don't you think?"

_**Alrighty, folks, that's it! As I said before, this whole shit is beta read by **_**TheVulpineHero1****_ so if it's good and well-written and stuff, give _him_ the credit, not me! I've practically just edited it to his liking, LoL. Haa. _**

_**Anyways, I really hope you like it because I do, and it took a hell lotta time to write, not to talk about editing it... I never want to do that again **_**O_O ****_ The back of my neck hurts. And my mother isn't very happy with me for occupying the computer for hours. Like it's my fault. _**

… _**It is, isn't it? Oh well. Read & Review? (Oh my gosh that's the first time ever I spell 'review' right on the first try! I'm stupid I know) **_

_**Reviews make me a happy bunny! A happy bunny who wants to write more :D**_

_**Again, thank you, Hero. You're my hero ^^ **_


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